Day 1...for the 10th time.

Ok, so first things first. I strongly dislike the word "FAT". It just seems horrible and mean. With that being said I did through it the title of the blog because I felt it was fitting for what this blog is about for me. When my oldest son was younger, and an only child, I started a program called Herbalife.( I have nothing horrible to say about it, nor am I trying to make sales by posting about it.) At the time it helped me lose 19 pounds and over 60 inches! I was getting to my goal weight/size and I was loving it! I hit a wall at -19 pounds and couldn't find my way to -20. I went to the gym now and again and took walks with my son and a friend, but looking back I know there is more I could have done. 6 to 9 months after I was at my lowest weight we decided it was time that our son have a sibling so we started talking to a doctor about having another baby. After another son I knew I needed to get back on the fitness track. Whew...that was hard! I KNEW my Herbalife worked. I KNEW I could lose the weight. Something was mentally stopping me from investing in myself. By the time my family moved from Japan back to our home state and left military life behind us, I knew it was REALLY time to get a move on things. 4 months after being home in the states we got the surprise of a lifetime when we found out we were pregnant again. I won't go into the details of my emotions, however I will say that after being told by 3 doctors that we would always need fertility help (like our first two boys) to get pregnant, I wasn't expecting a third baby at that point of our lives. 9 months later our third son was born. He is currently 6 months old. 

Each day for the past two months has been a fight. A fight to eat healthy, to be more active, to keep heading down the path I decided to take years ago. My weight has gone down, and back up, a dozen times. So...not only am I the mother of three boys under the age of 5, a wife to a former Marine (who currently is working AND going to school to support our family), and going back to college this fall to finish my degree, but I am also trying to find time in my busy day to work out. I have a lot on my plate, but I think after 10 years of putting everyone else in front of me it is time to invest in myself. Time to go back to school and time to lose this weight. I am tired of not being able to shop in this store for cute clothes because I am a size or two to big. I am tired of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking I look horrible. I know I am not a bad person. I know I'm usually a good friend. (I say usually because I know I have made mistakes and no one is perfect, but I TRY to be the best friend I can be.) I deserve to walk into the room and know people are looking at me because they either like me and are happy to see me or they think I look damn good! (or both!) Not because I look like a fatty fatty two by four or have baby food on my face lol. Has that ever happened to you? I actually answered the door to a UPS guy with baby food in my hair! It was embarrassing but funny at the same time. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.

Anyway, since this is "Day 1...for the 10th time" I should officially weigh in. I am currently 86 pounds away from my goal weight and 3 sizes away from my goal clothing size. If I lose more awesome, if not, keep going.  Just keep swimming right? I think a wise fish once told me that. ;)

Today's struggle was when the boys and I went through the drive thru of McDonalds. First off, I have recently made the goal not to do a drive thru more than once a week with my kids.  It is a waste of money when we have food at home PLUS I know it is not the healthiest choice even if they offer apples and fries to the kids. Second, we went for ice cream and ended up with two happy meals and a #1. Ugh, that #1 value meal. The Big Mac. I knew I shouldn't have ordered it! I panicked when it came time to order! lol. I should have said nothing for me and had a healthy shake when I got home.  Yeah, fail on my part. The good news is when I went to eat it I knew I was going to regret it, so I took two bite and put it in the fridge. My husband can have it or I will just eat the patties for extra protein later. I am proud I walked away from it, but I should never have ordered it in the first place. When my husband gets home from work I think I will take a walk, jog, or do something more active so I can feel like I did something more positive when it comes to my goals.

That's all from me for now. :) Hope to have more soon! Maybe something more interesting than "Hi, my name is..." ;)

Hope everyone reaches their weekly goal!! You can do it!